the proust questionnaire, "vanity fair" version

01.  what is your idea of perfect happiness?
a good book, a cup of coffee, and a short stack of pancakes.

02.  what is your greatest fear?
forgetting how to laugh at everything.

03.  which historical figure do you most identify with?
sylvia plath.

04.  which living person do you most admire?
young people who have no fear to chase their potential and dreams within the boundaries of realism, a la alexander wang.

05.  what is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
the fear.

06.  what is the trait you most deplore in others?
ignorance, hypocrisy, and arrogance.

07.  what is your greatest extravagance?
a new book when the piles of to-be-reads could bury me whole.

08.  what is your favourite journey?
anywhere with a good friend, good conversation, and good food and drink.

09.  what do you consider the most overrated virtue?
selflessness.

10.  on what occasion do you lie?
a year ago i would have said, “on instances when the need for self-preservation asserts itself,” but i’ve since learned fully that self-preservation comes not through lies but through integrity.

11.  what do you dislike most about your appearance?
my nose.  and cold impression.

12.  which living person do you most despise?
self-proclaimed writers who’ve no respect for the craft (and yet manage to land book deals).

13.  which words or phrases do you most overuse?
"… nice," "not bad," & "oh, for fuck’s sake …!"

14.  what is your greatest regret?
not learning or growing fast enough.

15.  what or who is the greatest love of your life?
new york city.

16.  which talent would you most like to have?
perfect pitch.

17.  what is your current state of mind?
like a ten thousand piece puzzle poured straight out of its cardboard box onto a tabletop.

18.  if you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
i’d add another sibling under my brother and make us a team of three.

19.  what do you consider your greatest achievement?
i self-manicure and bake killer sponge cake (which makes for killer jelly rolls with preserves and fresh whipped cream).  i also bake my own bread without a bread machine, albeit not as often as before.

20.  if you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
a black cat.  or a musician.

21.  if you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?
a black cat.

22.  what is your most treasured possession?
my macbook pro.

23.  what do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
wanting a relationship that eludes you.

24.  where would you like to live?
temporarily, tokyo to be a foreigner, no holds barred, and paris from whence to familiarise myself with europe.  permanently, it’s back to my roots to nest in manhattan when i’m young, brooklyn when i’m a little more grown up.

25.  what is your favourite occupation?
typographer.

26.  what is your marked characteristic?
stubbornness, a refusal to subscribe to the notion that “life sucks” or is made of misery, and curiosity.

27.  what is the quality you most like in a man?
intelligence, integrity, and the gall to stand up for his convictions and those he loves.

28.  what is the quality you most like in a woman?
self-respect, self-confidence, and a lack of obsessive preoccupation with her physical appearance.

29.  what do you most value in your friends?
comfortable silences, like-mindedness, honesty.

30.  who are your favourite writers?
tolstoy, camus, bronte, plath, steinbeck, murakami, and mcewan.

31.  who is your favourite hero of fiction?
[blank].

32.  who are your heroes in real life?
i don’t subscribe to the idea of heroes in the present day.  at least, not in the metaphysical sense.

33.  what are your favourite names?
christopher, sebastian, alexander.
cecilia, juri, natalia.

34.  what is it that you most dislike?
synthetic sounds.

35.  how would you like to die?
with a sense of finality.

36.  what is your motto?
in consillis nostris fatum nostrum est & the essence of existence is choice.

the proust questionnaire

What is your most marked characteristic?
Stubbornness.

What is the quality you most like in a man?
Intelligence.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Open-mindedness.  A lack of focus on her appearance.

What do you most value in your friends?
Integrity.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
A lack of integrity.

What is your favourite occupation?
Creating.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Studying for a living.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Choosing to live without choice.

In which country would you like to live?
An ideal, impossible one where freedoms are granted but not shamelessly exploited.  As for a non-conceptual country, this one will do for now.

Who are your favourite writers?
Tolstoy, Camus, Murakami, McEwan, & Bronte.

Who are your favourite poets?
T.S. Eliot.

Who is your favourite hero of fiction?
Those who are damaged.

Who is your favourite heroine of fiction?
Those who are imperfect.

Who are your favorite composers?
Mozart, Rachmaninov, & Chopin.

Who are your favorite painters?
Those who are non-abstract.

What are your favorite names?
Christopher, Zoe, and Cecilia.

What is it that you most dislike?
Synthetic sounds; indulgent unhappiness and malcontent.

Which talent would you most like to have?
The talent of crafting letters.

How would you like to die?
As fulfilled as human fulfilment comes.

What is your current state of mind?
Anxious but calm.

What is your motto?
in consillis nostris fatum nostrum est.

such are the natural processes of life

There’s something bittersweet about finishing an exceptional story or novel.  For one, this feeling of discovery and this sense of newness won’t come around again, not with this story.  For another, this story or novel is complete, the characters departed, the adventure come to an end.  And, for a third, the question niggles at the back of the mind, “Will I ever even come close to being able to write something as exceptional?”

It takes a few minutes, sometimes a few hours, sometimes an entire night of restless dreams, for the feeling to pass.  And, then, all there’s to do is hunt out another story or pick up the pen and resume writing again.